Meet the Outlaws...the In laws

The Holiday season is an interesting time when it's spent with the in laws. Being part of a long lasting tradition of somebody else besides your family makes you feel even more grateful for the traditions you have but also more opened minded to the interesting traditions that your significant others family shares.

During courtship it is a wonderful time when you are not only trying to figure things out with your better half but also trying to figure it out with her mom and dad. You need to come off as tough enough to hang with the football loving brothers but sweet enough to be able to talk cooking with the mother. You will need to be charming enough to win over the sisters but serious enough so that her dad knows that you take life seriously.

Family traditions are like playing the telephone game. You know the one when everybody is seated in a giant circle and the first person in the circle makes up a message to pass on. He sends it to the person next to him and then that person sends it to the third person in line and so on. Then around the circle the message goes each person telling the message just as they heard it. But by the time it gets to the first person again he realizes how much different the new message is from the original that he had sent. Like the phone game I think of family traditions like this where somebody in the family started something and then it continued on to be something personal for everybody.

The fun really starts though when as a young married couple instead of going over to each others' parents house you decide to start your own family traditions. The melding of both sides of Christmas traditions sometimes gets tricky. Both must compromise but at the same time stand their ground so that can incorporate a piece of what they grew up with.

Traditions are fun, holidays are happiness, families are essential and enjoying them together and at the same time can sometimes be tricky. Both sides must be willing to compromise and enjoy the family time together. It only happens a few times out of the year. So lets remember in the Spirit of giving this Christmas season that giving not only refers to gifts, love and service to others but also giving time to your spAouse to be with his or her family. Sometimes that gift is just as hard to give as the $120 new spatula that she wants because it matches the silverware.

Jiminy Cricket the Motivational Speaker

If you can think back to the 50 year old Disney classic Pinocchio, you can find a true motivator. Chosen by the Blue Fairy, he came in a small package, carried a mean tune, looked great in a top hat and spats and succeeded in his role by keeping Pinocchio on the right path. Jiminy to Pinocchio was the “Lord High Keeper of the Knowledge of Right and Wrong, Counselor in Moments of Temptation, and Guide along the Straight and Narrow Path.” Jiminy played a significant role in Pinocchio life constantly motivating him to follow the correct path. Without Jiminy, Pinocchio would have lost the external motivation to continue to do what’s right. This is an example of a person that lacks intrinsic motivation and therefore the moment that the extrinsic motivation is taken away, they have nothing to fall back on. How can a motivating environment be created where the fuel is an internal source? A environment where the manager is not spending all of his time trying to keep his subordinates motivated. Or An environment where high level management isn’t spending an exuberant amount of money hiring motivational speakers to motivate everybody for a few hours until it wears off that night. Motivation, as defind in “The Essentials of Organizational Behavior” is the processes that account for an individual’s intensity, direction, and persistence of effort toward attaining a goal. By obtaining a concrete knowledge of what motivation consists of, identifying reasons people are motivated, this funnels both extrinsic and intrinsic motivators into creating a motivating environment with motivated subordinates.

A Tiny Tid Bit About A Tiny Brother

Cole at three years old, the speech didn't improve, and he seemed to wonder through the neighborhood, unable to communicate, and without fear. I remember him standing on the edge of a building roof, looking over, and really unaware of the danger that he was in. At 3 1/2 Cole was started in an early learners speech program. He rode a special bus, and was involved with other children his age for twice a week. I kept him in a normal preschool as well, hoping that the socialization would help. I remember his Christmas Concert, standing alone, pretty oblivious to the other children around him. At 5 he started regular kindergarten, but was pulled out of the class for speech and language. He struggled with sitting still, fitting in, and getting along with the other children. By seven, and second grade, we found a wonderful teacher that helped Cole progress. It was a time for math facts, and memorization was something that Cole was good at. This year he excelled in timed math facts, addition and subtraction. He still didn't socialize much, but instead seemed to play alone a lot on the playground, usually on the monkey bars. He was really good on the monkey bars. During his eighth year, third grade, he was lucky to have a great male teacher. For the first time he identified with a male figure in his life. This man had a really structured class and Cole seemed to thrive with the structure, firm discipline associated with this room. It was becoming more evident that his physical skills were behind. He couldn't keep up with the other children on the playground with things like kick ball, baseball, and four square. Quite often he would leave the games frustrated and angry. This was about the last year for organized team sports. He had tried soccer and t-ball, but really couldn't stay up with the challenge of a fast moving game. He started running and swimming instead, where he seemed to do better.

Now he has speech therapy, pulled out for writing skills and comprehension, as well as meets as a group for social skills. They play games, role play, and work on getting along. He is involved with the neighborhood scout group - with wonderful leaders that understand him. They have lowered their expectations on requirements for merit badges for him, but instead concentrate on his social skills with the other boys. We have gone to physical therapy, trying to stimulate those deep nerves and muscles, hoping to help his high sensitivity to certain textures, tastes, and sounds. He has recently been graded at about a 6 year old level for gross motor skills. This explains his propensity to trip, stumble, and even struggle riding a bike.

Since a small age he has loved to be wrapped up tightly in a blanket - like a burrito - we called it. He seems to like the feeling of all his body parts bound together as one. He can lay like this for a long time, which at first surprised us, being such an active boy. But, in later reading, we learned that this was pretty typical for autistic kids, and further studies have even proved this theory. (something about putting kids in large hammocks, that were used for milking cows.)

Cole has always been very sensitive. He feels sad easily, and is very sensitive to sad siblings, sad movies, often crying. He is extremely kind hearted. Never means to be mean or hurtful. Sometimes he doesn't realize that his actions might misinterrupted.

He covers his ears with loud sounds, or too many sounds. He gags at the feel of the inside of his pumpkin. He smells most foods before he eats them, and if he doesn't think it smells good he won't even try it. He was slow potty training, almost the age of 8 by the time he wouldn't have an accident during the day. He still struggles getting dressed alone, can't handle hard buttons or snaps, and just recently learned to tie his shoes.

He memorizes well, often long scripts for the school plays. He memorizes cartoon and movie dialogs.
He loves his dog, and most animals. He learned to snow ski at about age 8.

Takes everything literally. Everything is black and white. Very focused on time, and scheduled. Not sandals, shoes. Not bare feet, my feet. Run to the store - he was putting on his tennis shoes. Something promised is never forgotten, even if 5 days later. Not almost 5:00, it is 4:58. That is the best way to communicate with him also. Very concrete, precise words. He also needs time to listen, and process, so waiting for an answer is sometimes a long wait. But, people are learning, and giving him a chance to answer. He knows his school schedule, every minute, every recess, every special class. A change in the schedule is hard, especially with a substitute teacher.

That's all I can think of for now.